Neutral Friends Are Annoying

“I’d rather not pick a side because you’re both my friends”.

If you’re the type of friend who says, “I’d rather not pick a side cause you’re both my friends” when arguments arise in your friend group, this is for you.

What Does it Mean to Be a Neutral Friend?

The neutral friend is the one who decides to listen to everyone’s part of the story without having an opinion; the friend who decides to stay “in the middle” because they think picking a side would cause more harm than good. The neutral friend tries not to hurt anyone’s feelings—little do they know that in considering everyone, they are shying away from the truth and fact.

I feel a deep repugnance towards friends who decide to not call out someone in their friend group when they mess up.

Neutral friends mostly exist in friends groups. You’d hardly ever find a a neutral friend situation happening in a dual friendship. It’s always with trios and quadruple friendship groups.

This is not to say that when two people in a friend group have a misunderstanding, you should pick a side and villainise the other person. But if one person is clearly at fault, why’re you restraining yourself from calling them out?

I personally fear friends who have witnessed someone in a friend group act callously and insensitive towards another friend, but they still decide to remain “cool” with them because “they didn’t directly hurt me”. I firmly believe that a friend who has the ability to undeniably hurt one person in a friend group without taking accountability can also hurt you too, so why are you so unconcerned because it hasn’t happened to you yet?“Breakfast na national cake” is actually so true in this context because the bad character you’ve been ignoring from someone will eventually come back to bite you.

This is not to say that you should randomly take sides with your friends simply because they have issues with someone else. What you should do is to hear both sides and harness the situation, especially if it is a well established friend group. Nobody even has to be right, but you owe it to your friendship to highlight those mistakes and look for solutions so everyone can do better.

I once had a friend who insulted and cursed out my family on a public group. She called my parents names, wished death upon them, and cursed me out too because of a misunderstanding. And to my surprise, only two people on that group firmly called her out. Every other person either ignored or sided with her and continued their friendship until all her supporters got a fair share of her cruelty.

I think that when we don’t call out people when they actively hurt others, we enable their behaviours. We leave it to blossom simply because “I haven’t experienced it. E never touch me”. When do we actually realise that it takes very little for someone with a barbaric behaviour to act crudely towards us?

Neutral friends are usually avoidant and self absorbed. I say “self absorbed” because there’s a high chance that they’d feel hurt if that act was ever done to them, but for weird reasons, they’d watch it happen to someone else without voicing out.

Friends owe themselves accountability and transparency. You can’t say you love your friend(s) and actively decide to not champion growth in the relationship. You can’t say you value your friendship and you decide not to uphold that value in a misunderstanding.

On Inheriting Beefs

Neutral friends also make statements like “I don’t inherit beef”. No one is expected to get angry at another person for no reason. But if someone openly does something terrible to your friend, and you are still best of friends with that person, you should be questioned. We are so accountability depraved that we’ve forgotten that friendship thrives on commitment, respect, accountability, and transparency .

If you’re committed to someone or something, you should protect it. You preserve it as your safe haven, and if someone or something tries to trespass, you guard it. That’s how you should be in such situations.

It is still important to learn discernment and diplomacy. You Shouldn’t be involved in every misunderstanding, but when your friend needs you, be there!

We need to be more intentional about our friendships. We need to learn how to take accountability and not shy away from being a genuine friend.

I hope every neutral friend learns that it’s okay to be unfiltered, supportive, and genuine.